Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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