Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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