I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
