Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
