There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
