Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
