I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
