I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
