oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
