Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
