her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
