So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
