If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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