dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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