morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
