There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you would pick up someone in the library
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
