I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Sorry about my life...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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