i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
