the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
