Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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