Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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