i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize