My boss' voice literally gives me gas
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
