??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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