If i come over, it means nothing
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
