This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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