he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
