There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
