Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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