She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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