Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
