She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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