Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
