Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
