I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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