I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
