I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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