So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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