DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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