Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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