who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
