Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
