it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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