yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
