When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
