I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
