Moan for me like Helen Keller
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
