I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
