win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
