I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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