If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just threw up on my dentist
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
