there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
