He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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