I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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