Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
