Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
