I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
