11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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