I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
