we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
