I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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