90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so let's talk penis.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
