He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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