I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
