So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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