Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
