speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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