to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
